Processing #blacklivesmatter as an outsider

The last couple of weeks have seen social media filled with posts connected to the #blacklivesmatter agenda. It's kind of weird as a white woman trying to work out where I stand on this. I fully support the cause. The very fact that police are targeting black people more than white people, which is happening in the UK too (All the data on black people and the police in England and Wales) is just unacceptable and completely wrong.

Whilst I haven't experienced discrimination based on the colour of my skin, I have experienced discrimination based on other characteristics: disability, gender, age, language, even accent. Every time I have experienced discrimination, it has been hurtful and has made me feel like less of a person. And that's not okay.

So my first question is: why are some people racist? Maybe the bigger question is: how do we become prejudiced?

I had a little look around the Internet and found a couple of articles that helped me to begin to consider this.

Why are people racist? - this is targeted at Australian young people. It focuses on how early relationships influence our views, how we take on the views of our family and friends, and how we then form connections with others that reinforce those views.

The psychology of racism - this addresses the idea that somehow racism is a natural thing that enabled early humans to have access to food and resources. I have to admit, this would never have crossed my mind. I was quite relieved to read that the theory is probably unfounded.

Racism vs discrimination: why the distinction matters - I found this one easiest to relate to. It made me question my own prejudices, which I think are mainly connected to other characteristics than race, but do include some racial aspects.

What this article does suggest, is that open and honest discussion about prejudices is needed. The way to avoid discrimination is to be more self-aware and to feel safe to acknowledge where we have biases, whether conscious or unconscious.

As a child, I don't recall being prejudiced at all. I grew up without much awareness of the wider world. I didn't watch TV at all, never mind the news. The first experiences I had of meeting people from other races, were positive (for me at least).

1. There was one black girl at my secondary school. She was very beautiful! Her skin was so smooth and her hair fascinated me. I once ended up behind her in the dinner queue, and I tried to touch her plaits without her noticing. I just wanted to know what her hair felt like. Mine was straight and straggly and I plaited it to keep it out of the way. I would have done anything to have Hattie's hair. I even went home and tried to do my hair in lots of little plaits like hers, but it didn't work with my hair.

2. There was one shop in town that was owned by a Pakistani man. He was quite sceptical of teenagers, only allowing two at a time in the shop. This didn't bother me. I mean, I just accepted that he had probably had teenagers stealing from him and was responding to protect himself. He sold sweets in jars, the old fashioned way, and I loved buying sweets there. What really stood out to me though, was that this man had no staff. He alone ran his shop and it was open from early morning to late at night. I don't think he ever had holidays. I was struck by this level of hard work, commitment and dedication to his business.

Without realising it, prejudices and biases were beginning to form. I had learned that black people are more beautiful than white people and that Pakistanis are harder working than English people. Why did I associate these with a whole race, rather than an individual? I don't know. Maybe because each of them represented ALL the people I had encountered from their race at that time.

I had other prejudices form as I grew up, not connected to race. I learned that most men are violent and are likely to harm women. You can trust old people but not young people. I also learned, growing up on a large council estate that being part of a defined group, connected to where you live, can give you protection if you stay in your location but can be a problem if you go to a rival estate. As a young girl, afraid of pain and fighting, I went with the idea of keeping a low profile and trying to fit in when I had to walk near another estate. Of course, this affected my beliefs about culture and that still feeds into my adult views.

Human views are really very complex. Each of us has had experiences that have caused deeply rooted beliefs about all kinds of things. Sometimes these reinforce each other and sometimes they cancel each other out.

I'm lucky, my experience of black people has remained positive. I still maintain what started as a joke, my biggest prejudice is against black BMW drivers. By that I mean people who drive black BMWs, not drivers of BMWs who are black. It's the colour of the car, not the person. I don't know how this prejudice started. It has developed in the last 5 years, and is largely connected to the area where I live. In this area, it just seems that black BMWs are driven in such a way to put others at risk. Of course, then, every time I see an accident involving a black BMW, my views are reinforced.

It's easy to see how the same could happen with racist views. It could start with one experience, which is backed up by another experience and then all the positive encounters go unnoticed whilst further negative encounters reinforce the racist beliefs.

I definitely think the key is more honest discussion. What do we assume when we are confronted by a negative situation? I've just seen on the news, an incident from yesterday's #blacklivesmatter protests. Somebody (unseen) pushed a bike into a police horse, causing it to bolt and injure the rider and another protester. The horse was clearly very frightened and whoever did it... well, that's the question. What do I assume about the person who did it?

I'll be honest, I didn't think about whether that person was black or white. I did assume they were male. I did assume he was young (probably between 20 and 30 years old). I made assumptions about how he was dressed and what his voice sounded like. I assumed he was shouting aggressively. I also assumed that he was there more to cause trouble than to support the original cause.

If pressed, I might actually assume that this person was white... that maybe his intention was to discredit the cause, make the protesters look bad.

There, you see, I've decided that I know an awful lot about a person who I have never even met. You might not have done that. You might be a better person than me.

I'll tell you what I didn't think. I didn't assume that the bike-hurler was a white middle-aged woman in a wheelchair.

I'll tell you what else I didn't think. I didn't think it was just an accident. I didn't think it was possible that somebody had just cycled down a hill and their brakes failed and they saw impending doom and jumped off the bike just before it hit the crowd. But that is also a possibility... not the way the media showed it... but possible.

So yeah, the media also play a large role in developing our views. Social media does too, maybe even more so.

I think, having processed some of what is happening right now, we all have a whole range of biases and prejudices, often unconscious, that are responsible for our initial reaction to a situation. In order to challenge and change these views, some of which might be right but many not, we need to be open and honest about them. We need to be able to discuss them without feeling attacked or threatened. We need to be able to make decisions about them... whether they are based in fact or fear.

Prejudice is something we all have within us. Discrimination is when we act on those prejudices in such a way that we treat a person or a group badly because of our prejudices. That's not okay. It is wrong.